I started watching “The Summer I turned Pretty – Season 2” in the last week and the first thought when I read the title was, I should title this summer chapter of my life as “The Summer I was a Mess”. While there are so many phases in my life so far when I felt I’ve hit my lowest point, this summer will top the rankings of my worst holidays. It is bad not only because of some bad days, but every aspect of my life seems to be a mess at the moment. It’s very hard to pick up the pieces every time someone breaks you. But there is definitely one sure thing that I’ve learnt from this summer and that is no matter the depth of the fall I take, I am going to rise (or maybe crawl up slowly) and move forward.
Standing against the test of time is tough. I don’t even know if I can put it in words to make people understand how it actually feels like to be in that position. I have definitely questioned my beliefs every single day and cried every week that could probably fill up a jug if not a river or ocean. All I look forward to in a new day are those tiny little moments when I genuinely smile. They’re my ray of hope that any single day cannot be entirely bad for as long we remember to appreciate those few good moments.
As I write this journal, I cannot stop myself from noticing the impact that journaling has in my life. It is a way of letting out my emotions and vent out I really feel towards certain things. Although I do not remember why I started writing, I do remember how I started writing. Initially, I used to write only when I was angry or upset with someone and did not want to yell and hurt them with my words (I can be really mean and out of control when I’m upset). I used to write everything on a piece of paper, tear it to hundreds of pieces and throw it in the trash. Somehow, it helped me back then to deal with my anger and later on, I became more calm and less aggressive. And after some random point, I bought a book for the sole reason of writing things that upset me and hurt me. I still have that book with me, but now, I write about things that made me smile and things I am grateful for.
It is fascinating how one memory is connected to the other and that to another and it somehow looks a web of memories that have common nodes with multiple links. Well, past studies call them as Over-thinking 😂 I might start publishing more such unfiltered train of thoughts that run in my mind.
Till then,
With Love & Gratitude
Teja Sree Goli 🙂
